Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
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