trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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