I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
