TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
