I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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