I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
