Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
