Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
