im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I want to fling myself into the sun
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
