This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
