how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize