I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
