the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize
