I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
