I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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