im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
