Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize