i will never coherently bang her
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Randomize
