ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
