Me too!
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
