One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
