dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Randomize
