4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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