I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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