So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
