you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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