textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize
