i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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