A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
