I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
