the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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