singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
