woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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