she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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