why didn't you poke me back
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
