I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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