eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
