Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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