I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
