its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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