you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
