Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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