After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
