Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
