the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Come share oat with me in your robe
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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