oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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