my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
