Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
