I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
you didnt know i had herpes?
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
