You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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