Don't make out with my wife yet
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
