I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
