I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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