i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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