just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
