shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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