dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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