You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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