So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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