omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize