Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
