If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
