Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
