Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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