Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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