Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
