I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
