life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
