I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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