He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
